| Jargon | Explanation | Meaning |
|---|
| Oxenford Dictionary | Oxford Dictionary | One is a suburb, the other an institution. |
| Billy Wonky | Willy Wonka! | One is a well-known fictional character, the other is a brand new fictional character. |
| Tree Marketing | Pyramid Marketing | One is a well-known dodgy money-making scheme, the other is well...new. |
| Breathing Down Your Throat | Breathing Down Your Neck | Even more uncomfortable than the original. |
| FPOST | EFTPOS | One is a method of transferring funds electronically, the other is a post for holding up Fs? |
| Nunlock | Numlock | One is a key on a keyboard, the other is a new wrestling hold? |
| It's quite ah, quite ah.... what do you call it when you get addicted? | Addictive | Where is that word when you need it? |
| bananana | monomana | The Muppet Theme or an extended banana? |
| WaterWorld | Wet & Wild | One is a movie, the other a theme park. |
| It Wasn't A Wonder | No Wonder | It sounded funny in the original context... |
| Irish Settler | Irish Setter | One is a dog, the other an immigrant. |
| Super PowerBall | PowerBall Jackpot | One is a contest, the other... not yet... |
| Conversion | Conversation | One is social intercourse, the other is a change. |
| Workplace Safe & Healthy | Workplace Health & Safety | Contentment in the workplace? or an organisation for maintaining well-being in the workplace? |
| Mulgrave | Mangrove | A town in Victoria or a server name? |
| Rockweiler | Rotweiler | One is a dog, the other a wheelbarrow? |
| Poxy Server | Proxy Server | One is a network performance aid, the other an indicator of performance. |
| Foxtrot | Foxpro | One is computer software, the other a dance step |
| Air Duck | Air Duct | A conduit for airflow, or a new way of powering birds? |
| Read Writable | Re-Writable | Hmm. Scary, it almost makes sense. |
| A Cue Stick | Acoustic | Implement for hitting balls on a table, or the science of sound? |
| Woodlock | Lockwood | You could possibly lock up your wood with a Lockwood lock. |
| 'barche' (in french accent) | a barge | |
| Big or large? | Small or large? | |
| Helpself Group | Selfhelp Group | |
| The CPU blew up | The UPS blew up | Central Processing Unit or Uninterruptable Power Supply? Ah they're pretty much the same. |
| Lead Light | LED | Is it an electronic device that glows or coloured glass held together with Lead and solder? |
| Time In The Loo | Time In Lieu | We've probably all done both at some time. |
| Go camping, light up a BUSHFIRE, relax... | BONFIRE | One is a disaster the other is recreation. |
| Special Meat Patty | Rissole | Only the best Rissoles for JM |
| Carrot Catcher | Caricature | Deliberately exaggerated drawing? Or device for catching rabbit food? |
| Characterture | Caricature | Deliberately exaggerated drawing or the function of a charater? |
| We could cartoonarize it | Making a cartoon out of something | There is always room in the dictionary for more new words! |
| It's a hate love relationship | It's a love hate relationship | You either hate love or love hate. Sometimes both! |
| All the beer and food you can drink. | All the food you can eat and beer you can drink. | One of these is hard to swallow. |
Do you think it should be disenabled ?
(After a pause with much laughter)
What ? Do you think it should be unenabled ? | Disabled ! | 3rd time lucky! But not this time. |
| We are considering a few other different alternatives | We are considering a different type of car. | There are many alternatives to a car. But not when you want a car. |
| Yes I know voccacia is spelt foccacia. | Focaccia | Written as a correction to a previous spelling error |
| Red Eye Love | Radar Love | The best thing about this is the fact that he went into a record shop asking for the song "Red Eye Love" |
| Outlook is this companies Achilles Tendon | Achilles Heel | If this company had a heel and a leg, it may have an achilles tendon, but a thorough search has failed to find either. |
| That kid is voiceterous. | Boisterous | A kid in possesion of a terraced voice Or just plain undisciplined? |
| Full Tide | High Tide | How much water can you fit in a tide? |
| I read my email over a Lan Wink | I read my email over a Wan Link | Email over a rapid eyelid movement via a local area network? Or over a Wide Area network? |
| Abonable | Abominable | |
| "The shotgun one" | "Lock, stock and two smoking barrels" | Referring of course to the name of a movie |
| I could just use Hotmail to host my own Jargon Master webpage...
| Geocities | |
| It's like 1 step forward and three steps back | two | |
| The US president's aeroplane Liberty One | Airforce One | |
| ACX | ASX | You think someone who won an investment competition would know the difference between ACX ??? and the Australian Stock Exchange |
| You know those guys that go into Wood Chomping competitions | Wood Chopping | How much wood can one person eat? All is revealed during one of these contests. |
| Rubber Ball Band | Rubberband Ball | One is a ball made from rubber bands the other one is some musicians bouncing rubber balls ?? |
| Hi-Fi Science Fiction Movie | Sci-Fi Science Fiction movie | The sci-fi would have been redundant anyway! |
| They were going to put stuff where they where they could fit two stuffs. | Your guess is as good as mine | Trying to explain a flooring plan |
| I've been Humming and Harring for a while. | Umming and Ahhing | One is a manifestation of uncertainty, the other madness. |
| Dented | Data-Entered | One is what TVs do to wooden floors and the other is information input |
| Eclipse | Ellipse | One is an astronomical event, the other is a geometric shape. |
| Cheque the cash | Cash the cheque | |
| Heineken Movement | Heimlich manoeuvre
| One is a life-saving manoeuvre one is a drinking motion |
| Connoisseur's desk | Commissionaire's desk | |
| Ninemsn | MSDN | One is a fairly lame, commercialized web site the other is a concise set of information |
| Alacar in the park | A la carte in the park | Some arabian guy relaxing, or a lavish meal. |
| Twy Condo | Tae Kwon Do | |
| Lender | Loaner | One is one who lends stuff, the other is a slang term for something loaned |
| Hey Error ! | Hey Eddie ! | One is a bug, the other is a co-worker. Go figure. |
| Internight | Internet | |
| Mexican Pie | American Pie | |
| NTFS | NTSC | What's the difference between PAL and NTFS?
While enquiring about the differences between the US and Australian TV standards. NTFS is the Windows NT File system. |
| I was washing my hands in the toilet....... | I was washing my hands in the bathroom...... | When discussing whether the coriolis effect can really be seen to make water go down a drain in different direction on either side of the equator.
Of course we all know that it doesn't. |
On these pages we delve into the mind of an Information Technology Team leader.
A future manager. A teacher of tomorrows adults. With
a mind that is so finely tuned, so on the edge, so full of possibilities,
that the English language is no constraint. This is the mind of the Jargon
Master. Where random thoughts coelesce with other random thoughts and
are expelled as a chaotic cocktail of words and meanings.